today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
