One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
