none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
