Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
