And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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