I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
