Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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