that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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