she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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