Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
