dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
