well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
