I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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