Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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