If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
