Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
