So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
