last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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