Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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