then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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