Midget sex pt 2 tonight
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
tell me about the eggs
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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