I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
