I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
