I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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