why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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