Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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