This is not my ceiling
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
