I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
