I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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