I accidentally burped into my bong.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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