I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
