Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
