i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
