She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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