we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
