its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
