it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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