I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
