I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
