I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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