I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The air taste purple.
Randomize
