I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
