We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
