I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
