someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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