My nipple is on Facebook.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
