I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
