She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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