I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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