watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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