I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
