do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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