The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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