i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
