Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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