Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
